I.

Over and over
the same mistakes
search so hard for love
only to find myself chained,
or discarded.

Again and again
the old boring jobs
look to move on, up
only to find myself bypassed,
or stifled.

Over and again
the wreckage of my life
the struggle to rebuild
the constant questions
the dread of failure
the rack of indecision.

the ruin of my life...
I am appalled...

II.

Dream came one night
quickly becoming nightmare
battle eternal
the dark shadows of ego
against the bright glory of love.

I was desperate to awaken
terrified that I could not
tried as my heart raced
to free myself
from the horrific battleground.

I screamed and screamed
wailing as the struggle
continued within
cried out to God to save me
till --
abruptly, so easily
a mist arose from my body
fleeing into the shadows.

Gently, a Voice spoke,
"Go forth and sin more, my daughter."

I awoke
certain that I was awake
no longer caught in the dream
body trembling
lungs panting
heart pounding.

I reached for my Bible
held it close to my heart
overcome
by a love so pure
a healing so sure
an acceptance so total
I cried
and cried
--laughing all the while.

Free
Healed
Saved
Loved

My soul had been the prize
but I was the victor
one with God.

III.

I sit here and look
at the ruin of my life.

But, oh, the seeing
is so different now!

No true meaning there
for I am not my outer life.

Here, within me
is the reality of what I am.

Soul, love, peace
never to fall into ruin.

I am perfectly created
and God is ever with me.

D. Bartash
© September 2, 1996